The Dreaded Sleep Post

This is the dreaded sleep post. I have been trying to avoid this but I need to vent (remember, I used to talk about Hudson's sleep until I got sick of myself obsessing over it, or rather lack of it). I know many of you have sleep issues too. We are not the only ones. But it seems that I also know a lot of you that dont and didnt have to do much to get your child to sleep/nap. It is usually a natural progression that takes place a couple months after birth. Not here.

My children do not sleep. It sorta sucks. We are beginning to accept it. I love when people tell me about how they got their kids to sleep. These parents tell me they just simply demand it... and voila, bam, like magic, what do you know? their kids sleep. Silly me! I have spent all this time doing the Super Nanny silence, the cry it out, the search for large cribs (essentially cages), hiring sleep experts to come to our house, talking to the pediatrician about medications for these kids of mine and silly me, I must have forgotten to try demanding sleep out of them. If you have a child that sleeps, you may have one or more of the following going for you: 1) your child is still in a crib and hasnt figured that he or she can get out, 2) you have a naturally good sleeper on your hands or at least an O-K sleeper, and/or 3) you have a child dissimilar to ours. Oh the good ole' days of the crib. Back when it would take hours for Hudson to fall asleep but because he was confined to the crib, it didnt matter how long it took him to fall asleep because we were not involved in the process; after we placed him in the crib, we left the room. Once he started climbing out last year we put the crib mattress on the ground (with the crib walls around it) to buy ourselves a couple more months. But sadly that ended and spiderman continued to get out until we had to get a big boy bed. If you know us, you know we have tried evrything, read evrything and we now try to just accept it. Everyone has said that my brothers and I didnt sleep when we were kids.... JR's sister's kids dont sleep well (except Cha Cha). So do we just accept? Live on coffee? Watch our brains deteriorate? Stumble into walls at all hours of the night hoping one kid doesnt wake up another?

There are a few things about my kids that impact their sleep:

1- Hawk ears. They both have amazingly good hearing. What I would consider background noise is crazy interesting and sleep-interrupting for our kids. An airplane overhead gets Cannon, who is nursing, to open his eyes, turn his head, turn over on me, try to climb off me in the direction of the window. For Hudson, a plane overhead now causes him to jump up and say "Mommy! The plane woke me up. It scared me! It's too loud!" You can see where this is going. God forbid a fire engine, a dog, a car door slam, a telephone ring, one of them yell/cry. Despite the many sound machines we have going to drown out the noise, we cannot seem to overcome their hawk ears. I am not even sure if hawks have good hearing. I am too tired to think of an animal that has such hearing. But you get the point. An elephant?

2- My kids seem to require less sleep than most 'normal' kids. I read in the sleep books that normal children have 12-13+ hour sleep clocks programmed inside and sleep such hours at night. Well, well, well. Doesnt that sound nice? Both my kids, early on, establish a 9-10 hour clock. So let's say Hudson goes to bed at 8pm. He is up at 5 or 6am saying "All done. No more night-night." Even on a good night around here, 9-10 hours is what we dream about for Hudson. Why? Oh, if I knew why, we wouldnt all be so tired around here. For the last few months, Cannon has been waking up at 440am. Yeah, fun (and NO that is not the only time he wakes - if it were, I would have parties at 440am and be so excited. I can hear some of you say "Leave him in there!" "Let him cry it out!" "Demand it!" For 1) he is wide awake. Happy as a clam. Happiest part of his day is at 440am (he doesnt go back down until 7am). He isnt crying but talking, cooing, aweing, yelling, making baby noises. Not tired. 2) he has undoubtedly pooped. It's his time. 3) Remember Hawk ears Hudson? Remember he doesnt want to miss a party? Do you want both kids up? We have tried this, believe me, and Cannon has NEVER gone back to sleep. Can you go back to sleep once you are wide awake?).

3- Outside influences seem to be harder for our kids to shake. For instance, Cannon might be tired but his desire to try crawling is FAR stronger than the urge for sleep despite the fact that his body might need sleep more.

My kids dont seem to want to sleep. And we are beginning to accecpt this. They dont want to miss out on anything. This is evident in the fact that Hudson has N-E-V-E-R fallen asleep in a high chair, or while playing, or on the couch, or while watching a movie/tv. Cannon has N-E-V-E-R fallen asleep in my arms (he has fallen asleep while nursing but not just hanging out). Neither sleep in strollers. Neither sleep in the car (Cannon might fall asleep if we were going to Big Bear or the River on a long trip but there will be more crying than sleeping and he is more likely NOT to sleep than to sleep. Last time he slept for about 10 minutes). Neither have ever been moved from one place to another and stayed asleep (i.e. the car to the bed. And if they do miraculously fall asleep in the car, do NOT stop or slow down because that will wake them too).

You see, you can demand that your child lay down BUT YOU CANNOT FORCE A PERSON TO SLEEP. And we are beginning to accept this. They fall asleep when they are tired. When they are ready. When they cannot keep their eyes open any longer. I can force my kids to stay in their beds but I cannot force them to fall asleep. I can hire sleep trainers who are "shocked" by my kids. I can force my kids to cry longer than anyone ever expected them to cry to the point where the sleep expert doesnt really know what to tell me other than "have him keep crying. He has to stop eventually." Oh, does he? You dont know my kids. (I am not willing to write on this blog how long it went on for, let's just say I wouldnt have lasted half as long if I were crying in my bed at night). And still they dont sleep well.

Our compensation? Our silver lining? Our consolation seems to be that our kids learn things in all their awake time. Hudson probably walked earlier than most kids. Hudson talked early. Hudson knew the alphabet, shapes, counting, colors, and a ton of animals by 18 months. They should do these things early because they are ALWAYS awake. What else would they do but learn to do this stuff early and easily during all this awake time?

Ok, I feel much better now that I got that off my chest. You almost have to laugh. We will keep telling ourselves that eventually they will sleep. Eventually we will sleep. We are beginning to accept this. Who needs more than a couple hours of sleep in a row anyways? Not Hudson and Cannon!! Maybe they will start sleeping better just to prove me and this post wrong. Oh, the joys of parenthood...Here's to hoping...

Who can resist them though?


Update- funny story. I was putting Hudson down yesterday (we do the Supernanny Silence - where I sit with my back to him and silently put him back in his bed if he gets up. Then leave the room once he falls asleep. Funny how on Supernanny, the time gets shorter and shorter each night - not here) and he said "I dont want to lay down. Mommy, look at me, I am talking to you!" It was hard to not laugh out loud. We must say that to him and now he is repeating it to us.